Cool Cat

I’ll bet you’d recognize this fella even if you’ve never met face-to-face.  He a night owl, a lounge lizard straight out of Central Casting, complete with rakish Salvador Dali mustache and goatee. He’s been hanging around the dimly lit watering holes of cities, suburbs, and sylvan landscapes all across North America for as long as anyone can remember… since, like, at least the mid-Miocene.

If that characterization sounds a little fishy, you’ve hit the right note. Our hipster hero isn’t a literal lizard or owl, but he is a cool cat. A channel catfish, to be specific. He’s a smooth operator, his back and sides covered in sleek, scaleless skin that varies from khaki green to gunmetal gray, and his belly is as silvery-white as new Pearl drum kit.

Young channel catfish by Department of Environment, Great Lakes, and Energy, CC BY-ND 2.0.

His given name is Ictalurus punctatus, Latin for “fish cat with spots.” That was an accurate enough description in his youth, I suppose, before those prominent spots dimmed with age. More often, he goes by a mash-up of nicknames, including: willow cat, river cat, sand cat, fork-tailed cat, speckled cat, and my personal favorite, the swimming tongue.

That last moniker alludes to the fact that his taste buds are dispersed over the entire surface of his body. Working in concert with his similarly well-developed ability to smell and hear, he has the chops to improvise and survive in the turbid venues where bottom-dwellers congregate.

Close up of a channel catfish underwater and looking at the camera by Missouri State Archives, public domain.

Great blue heron with a catfish by Stan Lupo, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Ironically, that auditory intimidation also doesn’t work on the omnipresent population of music-loving, catfish-consuming primates known as Homo sapiens.

Smiling jazz drummer by Rene Jakobson, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

I guess it’s true that cool will only get a cat so far in this life.


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